Where I’m at #25

“Where I’m at” posts are just monthly updates about what’s going on in my life.

🧡💚🩷

planner : BLAH! 😆 No, no blah. I’m planning autumn activities this coming month (orchard, pumpkin farm, trunk or treat, etc). We gotta have a Halloween / Murder Mystery party before people murder me for not bothering with parties the past few months. My sister in law’s birthday is the same as mine – usually we go to the casino buffet for dinner, but she’s never been to Duff’s (blasphemy for a Buffalonian!), so we’ll likely do that. Still busy busy, & very much looking forward to the less busy time of year.
self : Still struggling a bit with my diet & exercise routine – I just don’t fuckin’ care. I mean, I do, & I’m still sticking with my “minimum viable” (😉), but I’m not that invested. I’m comfortable where I’m at, for the most part. My mind, on the other hand, has been a fuckin’ mess. I blame allergies & controlling chaos. Cuz that’s pretty much the culprit. (Still sticking with my “minimum viables” though lol!)
marriage : Doing alright. Stressful at times, but working through it. Such is life, eh?
mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good! No injuries to report (hopefully that remains a constant monthly update!) We went on our last “mommy-daughter dates” of the season, & I brought both of them along for each of the two dates – we went to an arcade with mini golf for BooBoo’s choice, & bowling for Bubby’s. And we all got season passes for Six Flags now that the girls are tall enough for a lot of the rides, and we’ve gone a couple times already & everyone had a lot of fun – BooBoo can go on “big kid” rollercoasters now, & she loves it! I’m grateful that I’m still physically able to go on the rides with the girls, even if my body is screaming at me for days after 😂 Good memories makes it worthwhile 🥰
homeschool teacher (2nd grade & K) : Getting back into the groove with all the busy-ness, but doing well. We’re figuring it out. They give me a hell of a time during school, but they seem to actually enjoy the progress they’re making, which is kind of the point. Bubby loves math & hates phonics, but she’s really learning to read now which is awesome!!! BooBoo likes everything, it seems, even science & history, so that’s pretty great! BooBoo’s happy to be back at gymnastics now that their season has restarted, & her “bestie” is back after being off for the summer so she’s excited about that too. Bubby’s been doing awesome in taekwondo – she throws a hell of a punch LOL! She’s really good at paying attention & doing what she’s told to do, & I’m super proud of how she’s been handling her classes.
zenBLITZ : Yeahhh…my mind’s been too much of a mess to put together anything worth sharing. I know…who gives a shit, do it anyway. LOL. I’m gettin’ there… 💚
homemaker : Gotta finish cleaning up outside so I can start deep cleaning the house! I’d rather do it in autumn than spring cuz we obviously spend more time indoors during the dark half of the year, and so I’d rather get & (try to) keep it cozy & comfortable starting around now. Everything else is all good. We have a bit of a drive to go to a wedding at the end of October, so I think I might try to make a mini vacation out of it. We’ll see.
(step) gramma : Chiquita Banana is doing awesome! She’s about ready to walk, understands a lot of what I say to her, & loves to dance. We went for a walk around my yard the other day & ate some of the season’s last yellow raspberries together hehe 🥰

Currently

eating – Homemade pho! Glass noodles + veggies + broth 😋 I switch up the types of veggies & the seasonings I put into my broth often – today I added some seaweed, ginger, garlic, soy sauce, & lime

drinking – Too many Monsters lately – I gotta stop! My heart feels like it’s trying to jump out of my chest like the Kool Aid Man

watching – Not much. Haven’t really been interested in TV much lately (cuz I just can’t focus on anything!)

reading – The End of Loneliness by Benedict Wells – lots of thought provoking lines, but not an amazing story (yet)

playing – Ugh… I got started playing “Bus Fever Party!” on my phone, & I’m addicted 😅

buying – As little as possible. Hubby’s been on a bit of a spree because his friend is moving & selling some of his stuff, so we just spent a considerable amount on money on a scissor lift & a portable car lift

listening to – “Uno Dos Tre” by Green Day – I forgot how much I enjoyed Dos

celebrating – My birthday! (Surviving another year is always a good reason to celebrate, even though I kinda hate this month lol) And Halloween

pinning – peoples’ journals, “free spirit”, pretty backgrounds, & drawing inspiration

planning – My birthday, Halloween party, autumn activities, & wedding trip

feeling – Egh, I don’t know. Exhausted. Depleted. Perpetually fried. Gettin’ better though (I hope!)

Exercise Without the Bullshit: Movement for Vitality, Strength & Confidence

Forget perfect workouts. Move because you’re alive, because you can, and because feeling strong beats chasing a number on the scale.

Image created with Gemini

I should do a post about rest & sleep, because those things are pretty important for your body (and thus also for your mind, heart, & soul), but… I really don’t have anything to say on the topic, to be honest. I don’t sleep great, in large part because of my back problems (also in large part because of the five year old who crawls into bed next to me every night & proceeds to kick my ass for six hours). I figured I should mention it, though, as something to bear in mind.

Moving on, this post is about movement – whatever that looks like for each of us on any given day.

I’ll share the types of movement I enjoy, but I’d love to hear what you enjoy in the comments!!

Everybody’s Got Limits

Because of the possibility of carrying an ALS-associated gene, I like to move because I’m grateful that I can—I don’t want to take that simple fact for granted.

However, I realize everyone deals with mobility issues to some degree. Myself included. So, movement looks different for everyone.

For some, it’s an intense 60 minute workout. For others, it’s 5 minutes of Tai chi.

Time is obviously another issue – how much time can you find for intentional movement?

We all have limitations. We all have to figure out how to work within those limitations without pushing too far (& thus kicking our own asses).

Exercise Without the Punishment

As I mentioned in my last post of this series, I started on a mild weight loss journey a bit over a year ago.

Part of that involved movement, of course. So, I worked my way up to a daily routine including : 20 minutes of cardio, 15 minutes of arm strength or belly dancing, and 5 minutes each of yoga & Tai chi.

As I also mentioned in my last post, I got pretty jaded from it all.

Now, I do a bit less (in part because of the stress on my back from physical therapy), but I’m still at it.

No longer for the sake of weight loss.

For the sake of vitality, strength, & confidence.

Cardio: Get Your Blood Moving

I’ve been doing 10 minute videos, most mornings. It’s good to get your blood flowing 😉

A few of my favorite YouTube channels :

Strength: Stop Being Spaghetti

10 minutes here, too (because my upper body strength was basically comparable to spaghetti) :

Belly Dancing: Because Why the Hell Not?

BellyFITbyLeilah

Choose Your Own Adventure

What do you enjoy doing? Roller skating, skateboarding, jogging, martial arts, lifting weights, gardening & yardwork…the possibilities are endless!

Any sort of intentional movement can be a good goal – whatever is enough to help you get out of your mind, & in to your body.

Yoga: Meditation in Motion

I’m a fan. A big fan.

I’ve been practicing yoga for about 25 years now.

Obviously, my back won’t let me advance to the contortionist pretzel poses, but that’s beside the point – I still thoroughly enjoy what I can do.

As a challenge to the gentlemen in the audience – yoga isn’t just for the ladies! My physical therapist practices, my exes used to practice with me occasionally… It’s just very intentional stretching!

I learned in the yoga class I took in college to think of it as releasing “stagnant” energy in the body, allowing it to flow.

And in the process, it also nourishes your balance, flexibility, and strength. Physically, and thus also mentally.

I’ve found that the breathwork involved can certainly prepare the mind & body for meditation too; it can actually be a form of meditation in motion.

Yoga teaches patience & restraint – you shouldn’t push yourself too hard, or you’ll get hurt. (If it hurts, you’re doing it fucking wrong.)

yogawithkassandra

Unbelievably Effective Yoga For Uncertain Times (she has a lot of yoga videos, but this one is the least stressful that I’ve found lol)

I’ve recently discovered tantric yoga, which I’ve found pretty enjoyable too. Especially this one (even though the audio is a bit questionable, it’s a nice place to start) : Yoga for Sensuality and Inner Connection. To me, tantric yoga is the chaos magick of yoga, where you’ve been doing it for long enough to know what you enjoy & can make it very much your own practice.

Tai Chi & Qi Gong: Movement for Busy Brains

“Old friend” introduced me to Tai Chi a million years ago, but I didn’t start seriously looking into it until relatively recently.

Come to find out, I’d been doing my own version of this sort of thing for longer than I can remember!

Qi Gong has roots in ancient Chinese traditions of movement, breathwork, meditation, and cultivation of life energy, with practices evolving over thousands of years.

Tai Chi is a Chinese martial art that incorporates many of the same principles and practices.

I enjoy both.

Like yoga, both Qi Gong and Tai Chi practices are very much meditation in motion – utilizing breathwork during movements, and focusing on the movement of energy throughout the body.

They can encourage range of motion, physical awareness, balance, and gentle full-body movement.

And they’re great for busy brains because of the constant movement.

Qigong Meditation – Lots of good videos, taught by a monk ☺

Taiflow has a lot of great videos too, but this one’s my favorite.

And Phoenix Mountain Tai Chi has a few good videos, but this one is definitely my favorite.

When You Just Can’t Even: Minimum Viable Movement

So, what can you do when you “just can’t even”?

I’ve been there. Quite a bit lately, actually.

For me, my minimum options are 5-10 minutes of yoga & Tai Chi. And I’m currently working on reintroducing my regular, more strenuous workouts back into my day. Gently.

Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body.

Maybe the goal isn’t to become fitter, thinner, stronger, more flexible, or more disciplined.

Maybe sometimes the goal is simply to feel alive in your body.

Move because you can.

Move because it feels good.

Move because your brain won’t shut the fuck up and your body deserves some attention.

Move because you’re grateful to still be here.

And when you really, truly, just can’t even?

Five minutes counts.

Minimum viable movement is still movement.

So what does movement look like for you? What makes you feel strong, grounded, playful, or simply more in your body? Tell me in the comments – I’d genuinely love to hear it.

If this resonated with you, give it a like, share it with someone who needs permission to stop treating exercise like punishment, and subscribe if you’re new.

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

Where I’m at #24

^ A summary of the past couple weeks, but substitute the alcohol for energy drinks 😅

“Where I’m at” posts are just monthly updates about what’s going on in my life…

It’s been…interesting around here. I’ll probably divulge in due time, but probably not anytime too soon. I’ll just say chaos reigned & the blog ended up on the back burner for a little bit. Not forever! Just getting some things situated… 😉

planner : Yeah. Lots of stuff still going on, the past month & the next. You’ll see…
self : Amidst the chaos, I’m struggling to do all the things I usually do. However! I’ve been practicing what I’ve always done, & at least getting the minimum viable self care in! ☺ PT got shut down at the end of the month, because my insurance company says I’m not making significant enough progress, but my PT suggested I either appeal or wait a few months & reapply (& continue doing what exercises I can in the meantime) – I feel like I was definitely making some progress, but there’s definitely a lot more to be made. We’ll see what I can do on my own time, in the meantime. And, I’ll be honest, I’m battling some mental demons lately (”failure” / caregiver guilt sort of thing) – but, like I said, I’m sticking to the tools that I know work for me, & I’ll divulge with you beautiful readers in due time.
marriage : That’s the chaos. Not my marriage itself, but something hubby’s been dealing with. So, we’re dealing with it together, of course, & it seems it’ll ultimately strengthen our bond even more. 💜

mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good! Major injuries… 🤔 None that I recall LOL. Most notable thing we’ve done is go to our local Six Flags for the first time, which was pretty awesome – hubby took Bubby in the kiddie park & apparently she loves the “Himalaya” (or whatever it’s called these days); and I took BooBoo on her first big kid coaster (one that goes upside down, spirals, & through a tunnel) – we sat in the front of the coaster, & she was pretty mind blown hehe!! We also took them to mini golf for the first time, & Bubby’s obsessed LOL!

BooBoo in awe of the big kid coaster

homeschool teacher (2nd grade & K) : School’s been lacking a little bit this month, because it’s summer…but we still do classes at least once a week. Since the technical school year is on the horizon, I gave them the option to switch their extracurricular activity if they wanted – we researched a little bit about a lot of things, including Girl Scouts, 4H, music, and so on – BooBoo decided to stick with gymnastics, & Bubby decided she wants to try Tae Kwan Do, which is pretty cool (& she’s done really well with it so far!)

Bubby “wants to beat up bad guys”…and she certainly will!

zenBLITZ : Yeah, I’m slacking. Sorry. (Not sorry? 😘) Just too much going on to be able to focus enough to produce anything of much quality lately. This post is helping me ease back into the mindset though, I think (I hope!) I’ve played with some digital design a tiny bit & made some pretty cute quote memes for social media, but that’s about all the creativity I’ve had time for lately. (”Minimum viable option”, I suppose!)
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Yeah. Well. Finances are fine. Cleaning…it’s about time to start putting outdoor shit away & prepping for winter (we have a lot to wrap up out there!) Travel… We have to travel a little for a wedding in October, so I need to start planning for that – I’d like to make a little trip out of it, but we’ll see.
(step) gramma : Chiquita Banana just turned one!! And she’s a busy lil kiddo – crawling all over, pulling herself up to standing, chatting like crazy, & she’s very proud of herself that she’s starting to understand words 🥰 She’s so precious!

Currently

eating – Pho instant lunches with a splash of lime 😋

drinking – Strawberry Lemonade Monster energy drinks (occasionally, lol)

watching – Star Trek : Strange New Worlds (I’m glad we dropped Max & Peacock for a little bit, cuz I’m loving me some Star Trek hehe!)

reading – The End of Loneliness by Benedict Wells

playing – Coin Master. Magic Sort.

buying – Too much stupid shit – gotta reel it in a bit before Xmas madness begins!!!

listening to – Less Than Jake, right this second

celebrating – Fall activities beginning

pinning – pretty backgrounds, journals, punk “fashion” lol, free spirit, crochet

planning – slowing down expensive outings, heh

feeling – drained, but healing 😉

Stop Dieting. Start Paying Attention.

Because taking care of your body doesn’t require eating perfectly – it requires mindfulness.

Let’s be real – this is not gonna be a “Best Meal Plan!” post, & I’m not gonna yell at you for not eating like an Instagram dietician (they’re liars anyway 😉).

As part of the healing, growing, & maintaining a healthy life series, we’re gonna talk about…not eating like an asshole.

Because what you put into your body is more important than most things.

Repercussions

I spent last year paying much more attention to what I was eating after some concerning cholesterol results. My doctor encouraged me to make some changes, and I decided to focus less on “dieting” and more on actually nourishing myself.

My new, self-imposed diet primarily consisted of increased protein & produce, and minimal saturated fats, excessive salts, & added sugar.

Which worked incredibly well! I’ve lost about 25 pounds! ☺ I’m happier now about how I physically look & feel than I’ve ever been in my life!!

That version of me was determined. This year’s me is tired.

This year, I’ve been burned out. I like a lot of variety, & a lot of flavor – in my meals, as well as in life.

So, here’s where I’ve landed…

The Anti-Diet

The best thing you can do for your body isn’t following a strict diet.

It’s mindful consumption.

Rules are tools, not masters.

I’m not going to sit in the corner with a salad at a party, angrily watching everyone else enjoy some barbecue. Fuck that.

But I’m also not going to eat until I feel like I need to be rolled home.

I drink a lot of lime water. Water is crucial, especially during summer. One thing I learned from working in the ER – dehydration is ridiculously common.

I hate water. But I like lime water. 😉

I use smaller plates & bowls than even my kids, most days. It helps me question if I really need more of that amazing curry I made for dinner. (Omg, my curry is amazeballs!)

And looking at that smaller bowl reminds me to savor my food instead of shoveling as much deliciousness in my face as quickly as possible. (Why do that anyway? As though someone’s gonna steal it? 😅)

Find Your Minimum

Paying attention to what you put into your body is one of the most essential forms of self care & self respect that you can do, especially when you’re not feeling well and that candy dish is singing show tunes.

Find your minimum. Make it stupidly easy. And on the days when everything goes to shit, do that one thing.

Every day, I make sure to drink water.

On my worst days, I make sure to eat at least one vegetable. (Even on “Fuck All Day”!)

What’s your minimum? Drop it in the comments – I want to know what “not eating like an asshole” looks like for you on a hellish day.

If this one hit home, give it a like, share it with someone who needs the permission, and subscribe if you’re new around here.

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

Before Diet and Exercise: Start Here

Why preventive care, self-advocacy, and paying attention to your body matter more than you may think.

Image created with ChatGPT

Let’s jump into the first part of my “BMHS” framework – body.

But before we discuss diet.

Before we discuss movement.

We need to talk about something far less exciting – and much more important.

Start With Prevention

If you can, check in with your primary care provider at least once a year.

Yes, I know – our healthcare system, every aspect of it, is fucked. It’s been that way for a very long time, & will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

That’s why it’s super important to be your own “patient advocate”, or have someone you trust help you handle that responsibility.

I did that with my father for twelve years – he was always pretty disillusioned by modern healthcare, couldn’t understand some of his diagnoses & medications, and he couldn’t hear worth a shit.

I’ve been advocating with my husband for most of the time we’ve been together, because his memory gets a bit finicky due to his TBI.

As annoying as it can be, it’s important to keep up with regular testing (bloodwork etc) & check in with your PCP at least annually to help prevent minor problems from escalating into major ones.

Keep copies of bloodwork, imaging, diagnoses, medications, allergies, surgeries, and specialist information whenever possible.

Which becomes even more important when your health isn’t something you can simply “fix” and move on from…

When It Doesn’t Just Go Away

Regular visits & record keeping are especially important if you have any sort of chronic conditions.

One example would be chronic illnesses – heart disease, diabetes, COPD, kidney disease, MS, and so on.

Another example would be chronic pain – arthritis, fibromyalgia, migraines, endometriosis, IBS, neuralgia, neuropathy, and so on.

Tracking your symptoms, how long they last, what treatments help (or don’t), and when you’ve seen your doctors can make a huge difference over time.

My Back Sucks

I was told when I was about 7 years old that there’s misalignment at the base of my spine, & there was nothing that could be done about it. So I kind of just accepted & ignored it until more recently.

I never considered it “chronic pain” until my husband pointed out how often I silently complain about it.

I think I learned to interpret pain as discomfort unless it’s excruciating.

For example – because of my back, the epidural I had with my younger daughter didn’t work right, & I went from “fine” to “screaming bloody fucking murder” in a matter of seconds.

So I finally started taking it more seriously. My current PCP ordered Xrays, & pointed out that there’s “nothing” going on in the middle of my back (but oh yes there is), & there’s “mild anterior listhesis & degeneration” at the base of my spine. When she finally physically examined the middle of my back, she was like “oh…um…” Yeah.

So now I’m in PT, & I’ll likely need an MRI to get an answer better than “oh…um…”

But…

For years I assumed my pain was simply something I had to tolerate. It wasn’t until I started taking it seriously that anyone else could take it seriously too.

If you don’t advocate for yourself, who will?

The First Step

Make sure you’re up to date with your healthcare, as much as possible.

Taking care of your body isn’t just about building strength. Sometimes it’s about making the phone call you’ve been putting off for three (or fifteen) years.

Respect your body enough to pay attention to it.

I know our healthcare system is failing the overwhelming majority of us, but we have a responsibility to ourselves to do the best we can.

Before you scroll away…

Ask yourself one question:

What have I been putting off because “it’s probably nothing”?

Then make one phone call.

Schedule one appointment.

Refill one prescription.

Request one copy of your records.

Your future self will thank you.

While you’re at it… 😂

Next up in the BMHS series : developing a diet that doesn’t suck.

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

Where I’m at #23

Life is still beautiful chaos, by design 💚

“Where I’m at” posts are just monthly updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life.

planner : More summer fun in the plans – that’s my main focus right now!
self (body & mind, emotion & education) : Getting back into my workout routine, gently & including at home PT exercises. Man, PT is really fucking kicking my ass – not sure yet if it’s helping all that much, but I guess it can’t make things any worse, eh?! 😆 Funny enough… every time I get out of PT, I’m pissed, in immense pain, & white knuckling everything in the car. So, I started sitting in the back of a nearby parking lot so I can smoke a ciggy, breathe through it, & blast some music. And literally every time, “Bales of Cocaine” by Reverend Horton Heat comes on the radio & makes me lol ☺
marriage : Doing good! Went to his high school reunion last weekend, & it was actually quite a blast once I had a few beers & loosened up (I pretty literally never drink, so I was rockin’! 😅) It was a much needed reminder of who the fuck we are, & why we fell in love. 💜💚

mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good – no major injuries to report, that I can think of. Booboo’s quite the social butterfly, & I really need to find her a friend she can hang out with once in a while, but parents are fucking weird, man. I mean, we’re weird, but at least we’re friendly 😂 Bubby’s got quite the personality, I tell ya…lol

She insisted on an 8lb ball 😆

homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : School’s much more relaxed over the summer, but we keep at it. Bubby shocked the shit out of herself when she realized she could figure out how to read number words, which was absolutely amazing to witness omg 🩷 Booboo’s been doing most of her work herself, which is absolutely awesome 💙 And both girls are still enjoying gymnastics – Bubby’s quite the perfectionist & she’s doing really well in class hehe

Impromptu field trip 😉

zenBLITZ : I’ve been so damn distracted by chaos… Not disappearing though! Just breathing!! 😉💚
homemaker : All’s well. I noticed I’ve been feeling pretty guilty about leaving all the yardwork for hubby, but then I realized how busy we’ve been. Plus I’m really struggling with my back & PT, so…no sense in senseless guilt – I’ll do what I can, when I can.
(step) gramma : Haven’t really seen Chiquita Banana much the past month – she was over last week for a little bit, but I let my sister in law soak up the “babyness” since she doesn’t get the chance to very often.

Currently

eating – mindfully

drinking – Strawberry Lemonade Monster energy drinks are fucking delicious! 😋

watching – Nothing much. The Traitors. Buncha shows came back on Hulu. Cancelling Max & Peacock next month – Max is good but we want to switch it up a bit, & Peacock mostly sucks ass heh. Gonna try Paramount.

reading – Still working on The Night Circus, but almost done – it’s been a lovely little adventure hehe

playing – Nothing, really. A lil Coin Master at night, but that’s it

buying – Stupid shit on Temu, but I’m calming down with that (I swear!!!)

listening to – The Foxboro Hot Tubs, at the moment

celebrating – Chiquita Banana’s bday!! 🎈

pinning – self care, pagan zen, free spirit, pretty & print, journaling

planning – County Fair is coming up!!

feeling – Optimistic… hopeful? 😜💚

A No-Bullshit Guide to Graceful Self-Kintsugi

Growth isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.

Image created with ChatGPT

I wanted to write a post for me & hubby’s 7 year wedding anniversary, but I couldn’t really think of anything new to write. So here are some older posts, in case you missed ‘em :

Marriage, Music, and Mayhem: 6 Years with My Wild Older Husband

Tantra and Long-Term Love: The Truth About Keeping The Magic Alive

That said…

I got behind on my posts for the first time in almost 2 years – I’ve never skipped a week, til now!!

It’s been a loooooong week. Weeks? While. Busy taking advantage of summer weather, & tending to some emotional chaos within the household. Which thrust me into a bit of my own chaos.

No better opportunity to show how I practice what I preach, so to speak, and to lean back into the series I’m working through…! (The last post in the series was “Choosing a Different Path”, if you need a refresher).

When Life Gets Messy

When life gets chaotic, people often either give up completely or try to overhaul their entire lives.

That’s why there are so many YouTube videos & blog posts touting “How to reinvent yourself in 30 days” or “Become your best self – here’s how!”

Most of us have tried it.

And most of us have watched it fall apart after a week or two.

Instead, we need something small enough to do on even our worst days.

Minimum Viable Self Respect

Back when I was a grieving teenager, I started studying stress management. I knew I needed a simple way to come back to myself whenever life got messy. And over the years, this gradually became a framework I still use today.

It’s also the framework I return to whenever I’m overwhelmed – which made it especially fitting this past week (or so).

The point isn’t to add another impossible checklist to your life.

The point is to make caring for yourself so approachable that you can still do it when everything feels like it’s falling apart. Because it’s a matter of respecting yourself – your whole self – in good times & rough ones.

Worthwhile challenges are awesome – they keep life interesting!

But times of chaos aren’t asking you to make things more difficult.

Practice Beats Attempted Perfection

Fuck self-actualization. And individuation. Nirvana, enlightenment, and all that bullshit.

We treat them like finish lines – the idea that one day you’ll finally “arrive.”

Perfection is nothing more than an idea. Not a state of existence.

There is no finish line.

Growth isn’t something you arrive at. Neither is healing.

These are things you practice.

Practice creates space for transformation.

That kind of growth is quiet. Slow.

A matter of choosing the next respectful action. Again. And again. And again…

And that transformation becomes resilience, discipline….character.

The BMHS Framework

Whenever I’m overwhelmed, I ask myself four questions :

Am I taking care of my body?
Mind?
Heart?
Soul?

To me, this is a bit of a hierarchy, with “body” being the most important & the first to focus on. All of these are essential to our existence, but some more so than others.

Body – physical needs (food, movement, rest)
Mind – inputs (what you’re reading, watching, listening to)
Heart – connections, relationships
Soul – outputs (expression, creativity, meaning)

I start with the body because it’s hard to think clearly, connect deeply, or create anything meaningful when I’m exhausted, starving, or running on empty.

Putting It Into Practice

Spend a week focusing on one area.

Or a month.

Or whatever your life allows.

No gold stars. No pressure. No failing.

Just practice.

That’s it.

Your character is defined by how your return to yourself, your values, & the ones you love.

A wonderful reminder that I found on Pinterest :

“Uncommon advice : If you don’t know what to pursue in life right now, pursue yourself. Pursue becoming the healthiest, happiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself. Then the right path will reveal itself.”

Over the next few weeks, we’ll explore each part of the framework – Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul – with practical ideas you can adapt to your own life.

In the meantime, ask yourself one simple question:

What’s one small act of self-respect I can practice today?

If this helped, share it with someone who’s white-knuckling their way through a hard season right now. And subscribe if you’re new – I’ve got more from this series coming!

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

The People Who Shape Us Never Truly Leave

On heartbreak, lemons, and the people who leave fingerprints on who you become.

Image created with ChatGPT

“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” – Rumi

Why I’m Writing This

I know I mention him occasionally, but I haven’t written a post about the “very smart guy I once knew & will always adore” in a while. And he’s been on my mind a bit lately so I figured fuck it, eh?

(Yes I’m procrastinating on the series I’ve been working through, how did you know?!? 😆)

The Gas Station

For those who haven’t picked up on any backstory, here’s a bit of it…

He came into the gas station I worked at one day, & we instantly connected. It wasn’t just a physical attraction… It felt like we’d known each other for decades instead of moments. Like, bizarre, but beautiful.

On & off for a few years, we grew really close. Like, best friends who kinda wanted to make out but never had a proper opportunity to. We’d vent to each other, hug for longer than friends “should”, and support each other emotionally as much as we possibly could. We both valued each other’s perspectives & opinions, and each other’s company.

But he was, in his own words, “moody”. He also, in his own words, had the tendency to distance himself when he wasn’t feeling quite right (who doesn’t, eh?) And so one day we got into an argument that I still don’t understand, and he stopped talking to me. Inevitably, I’m quite sure I said something stupid or unclear which freaked him out, which freaked me out, which perpetuated the freaking out until he walked away. Cuz…humans. I’ll probably never know why he wasn’t willing to work it out once our emotions cooled & we’d gotten some perspective on the whole thing, which sucks beyond words. But it is what it is. We both carried on with our lives just fine.

No Villains Here

He broke my heart. Worse than anyone ever has. But he’s certainly not the villain of the story. Neither of us are.

The good far outweighed the bad (in my eyes at least). Which certainly doesn’t make either of us a hero either. Just uniquely beautiful humans.

We were both dealing with a lot in our own personal lives back then – neither of us were in the best mindset.

The timing just wasn’t right, I suppose.

Side note : I’m really struggling with this post, to be honest… The magnitude of our friendship can’t really be put into words. Nor the heartbreak I felt. I’m trying though, without getting too poetic about it 😅

The Receipts of Loving Him

This isn’t really just a post about some super awesome dude who I’m grateful to have loved – It’s to prove the case that you can always gain something, even when you lose something.

There was a lot of love there. A LOT. Mutual respect, trust, adoration…you name it. He meant a lot to me. And he still does. In a lot of ways, he helped shape the woman I grew into since knowing him.

I learned a lot from him. Here’s just a few notable ideas…

Grief is cyclical. I know this because of my mom, but because of him too. I’ll forget about his existence for a period of time, & then he suddenly pops into my mind. The trail never completely grows over, but I learn a little more every time I choose walk it.

Be yourself, fuck all. He carried himself & spoke with such confidence & often flawless articulation, and I admired the shit out of that at the time – I was in my 20’s & absolutely riddled with anxiety despite my extremely social career choice. I don’t think he felt that way about himself, but it inspired the fuck out of me.

Growth never ends. He challenged my perspectives at times, & always pushed me gently to be a little better. I’ve always been one to welcome a worthwhile challenge.

You never know who you’ll connect with if you stay open to the possibilities. I’ve met a lot of people in my life, especially in the jobs I’ve had, and I’ve gotten to know & love a little bit of a lot of them. But I always kept them at some distance, because of my “shadows”. He did too. But when life was throwing lemons in his face, he turned to me, and I was happy to try to help him make some lemonade.

Resilience. Bushels of lemons got thrown at him in pretty quick succession, & he was really having a hard time with it. It’s exhausting; I know. He rode the waves with as much grace as anyone possibly could, & I admired the shit out of that. He never gave up, never gave in, never fully lost himself in the process. And neither will I.

When you believe in someone, they can accomplish beautiful things. I felt like he believed that I was more capable than I felt I was with a lot of things…which helped me learn how to believe in myself. And that led me to accomplish some of the more important things in my life, such as working in the ER.

Money ain’t shit – It’s never worth it to work a job you hate. He hated his job. He worked in law enforcement, so I don’t blame him. He said he got into it “because he knew he could”; I thought “I could’ve been a prostitute, but that doesn’t mean I should.” 😆 Money flows like water – here one day & gone the next, back again a year later. Such is life. It’s not worth it to waste your precious time on this planet loathing everything for 40 hours a week – don’t do things that suck the vitality straight outta your soul.

And love. I honestly felt like he was my second ”true love” in life, & my first one as an adult. Even though we never dated. So here’s some things I learned on that note, in no particular order…

There can be a tremendously enriching essence of genuine love in every dynamic of relationship, if you live passionately and with curiosity.
When you love someone, you don’t turn your back on them, especially if things are rough, & even if you’re hurt. I’d told him more than once that I’ll always be here, & as long as I’m on the right side of the dirt, I always will.
Love requires sight of & acceptance of both the light & dark in another. No reason to hide – those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.
Once you truly love someone, you never fully stop loving them. Ever. Is that a foolish perspective? I don’t think so. When I grow to truly love someone, there are reasons. Good fucking reasons. Short of abuse, there’s no reason for those reasons to become invalid.
If an overthinker says they love you, believe them – they’ve thought of every reason not to. Amen.

Love Changes Shape

The people we love, friends or family or some inspiring stranger with a guitar, can become part of our inner landscape. Even when they’re gone, their influence doesn’t disappear – it changes form. It becomes a part of the way we think, create, encourage others, and navigate our own lives.

All that I gained from knowing him while I did passes on through how I interact with & support the other people in my life. That friendship wasn’t for nothing – in a lot of ways, it saved me.

“even grief has honey in its mouth … have I loved it completely while it was here? … worship the miracle that it happened at all” – Christopher Sexton

I’ll challenge you with how he challenged me (because it’s definitely worthwhile) : take care of yourself, help others, live well, & stay weird. 🖤🪷

Image created with Copilot

Some people aren’t meant to stay forever.

Maybe they’re meant to become part of the foundation you build the rest of your life on.

If you’ve ever had someone who changed you long after they left, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.

What gift did they leave behind?

I’m not kidding, drop them in the comments. I read every one.

Stay real. Live vibrantly. And rock the fuck on. 💚🤘🏻

Where I’m at #22

We love chasing waterfalls 😆

“Where I’m at” posts are just monthly updates about what’s going on in my life, based on the areas / roles in my life...

I’m tired.

So, I had to ask myself – What’s making me so tired?

And then I realized…

The million mini mountains I try to climb on a daily basis – of inspiration, affection, adventures, education, & so on. It’s exhausting.

But it’s fulfilling. It’s resilience. Adaptability. Agency.

It’s a matter of indulging in life, instead of watching it happen.

“Memento Vivere”, because “Memento Mori” – I’ve personally had enough reminders to take it to heart. 💚

Maybe I just need regularly scheduled siestas… 😉

planner : Hmm…planning? Still doing our little adventures. Nothing too crazy planned for July… It’ll be me & hubby’s 7 year wedding anniversary, so we might have a steampunk party – I don’t feel like doing one, but we probably should, heh. I hate hosting parties cuz my anxiety goes haywire, but they’re not for me, they’re for his family to have a reason to get together, so…shuddup, anxiety! I don’t think I’m really planning much else in particular, so we’ll see where the summer takes us 🫠
self (body & mind) : Eggggggh. I finally got some answers about my back – I have “degeneration & misalignment on L5 into SI”, so basically the base of my spine is a fucker. And I’ve been feeling some excruciating pain in that exact spot for over a decade now. Weird thing is, the middle of my spine feels fucked up, but nothing shows on x-rays. So, I started PT. I was very thorough with him about where my spinal issues are, and when he ran his fingers down the middle of my back, he could very obviously tell something isn’t right – “it, like, juts out, and then the rest curves way in”. Yup. People think I have an ass- HA! I’ve been fooling you all these years, accentuating my horrifically fucked up spine with appropriately worn clothing LOL. Bwah ha ha! So, I started PT, and it’s painful as all fuckin’ hell, & he even said he honestly doesn’t think there’s anything he can do for me. I still enjoy chatting with him though, & getting into an actual gym, & learning a few things. So there’s that. I’ve been contrarian as fuck about my workouts lately, even simple shit like tai chi – I just refuse. I’ll get back into the groove soon though. I rolled my ankle & fell hard off my back steps at the very beginning of June, & it’s still not fully healed, but that’s not a valid excuse – I just don’t wanna. 🤷 Working back up to being mindful & intentional about my physical state, I suppose. Mentally, I’m doing alright. Feeling kinda bleh lately; “exhausted” would probably be a more appropriate word (and if you’ve read my “Day in the Life” post, you can see why). But, s’all good.
marriage : We actually went on a date!!!!! I literally don’t remember the last time we went out on an actual date. It was just to see a (really quite terrible) improv show, but it was cool cuz it was right by the river we’d gone to on one of our very first dates. We had more fun wandering around by the river than we did during the actual show lol, even though hubby won a gift certificate to a local restaurant.

💚💜

mom (BooBoo & Bubby) : The girls are good. They had their end of season gymnastics showcase, which was super cute. Injuries? Only notable one was when Booboo crashed her go kart into the skoolie – good thing she was wearing a seatbelt & a helmet (& she got an impromptu homeschool lesson in velocity & traction that day heh). No real injuries though. I’ve been taking them on dates individually once a month, to get one on one time – took Booboo bowling & took Bubby to an arcade.

I think she just loves throwing things 😂

She’s totally a gamer girl 🎮

homeschool teacher (1st grade & PK) : Officially finished the school year. I was panicking when I had to turn in the annual assessment for Booboo, but it really wasn’t that serious lol. Well, until I went to turn it in – the drop box was blocked off by construction, & when I called they at first didn’t know what to tell me, so I ended up submitting it in the mail. Hopefully they got it lol. So, we’ve officially started 2nd grade & Kindergarten (since we do school throughout the summer), & it’s going beautifully! Bubby surprises me more every day!!!
zenBLITZ : I’ve been slacking a little, not gonna lie. I just haven’t been able to find the time or energy for my posts (I’m even behind on this one!) I created a landing page for my brand, with more links in progress when applicable – I like the simplicity of it. I’m working on a business card zine too – hopefully I can make it look as nifty as it is in my head lol, and I plan on doing a bit of “guerrilla marketing” with it. Worked on some “print on demand” designs, but haven’t started with Redbubble yet (mostly just playing with designs right now, in other words). Made a couple of cool leather bracelets which I’ve been wearing a lot, started a really cool looking traveler’s notebook (but then hubby over-conditioned it & now it needs to dry out enough to hold paper lol UGH!), & started a leather wallet but I’m finding that I’m appalled by 2-3oz leather, so we’ll see how it goes (an experiment if nothing else!)
homemaker (finance, cleaning, gardening, prepping, travel) : Fuck it. Fuck it all. 🤣 (It’s fine; nothing to report.)
(step) gramma : Good. Only got to babysit once or twice, but she’s good! 🥰

Currently

eating – Cup Noodles are my love language 😆

drinking – water, coffee

watching – Nothing really. I don’t have the attention span for anything, tbh

reading – I gave my copy of “The Night Circus” to a girl who drove over an hour to pick up something I was selling on Marketplace because she runs a circus side project 😂 So I’m awaiting my eBay order of another copy lol

playing – Nothing, really

buying – Well, hubby got his Roger Rabbit Bugatti golf cart, so he’s been spending some money on converting it from gas to electric. I’ve behaved, for the most part heh

listening to – Social Distortion. I don’t know why – I used to be bored by Social Distortion, but they’ve grown on me recently

celebrating – 7 years of marriage, & 9 years together!

pinning – pretty background pics, antique journals, drawing technicalities, self care quotes, & zines

planning – adventures

feeling – Meh. Not bad. Just tired.

All that said, I’m still behind on my posts, so we’ll see what happens – I may continue the series I’ve been working through, I may rant about any of the other things on my mind, I may just take a week off to let my brain simmer down from this 90*+ weather. Whatever happens, love you all 😉 See ya soon!

Stay real, live vibrantly, & rock the fuck on! 🤘💚💜🖤

Don’t forget to stop & watch the sun set once in a while… 💚

Day in the Life

Taking a little break from our series…..

By request from a WordPress friend (& because I’m secretly a little behind on my normal posts, shh!), here’s a day in my life – it’s probably gonna be more like interstitial journaling with extreme commentary. Hopefully it’ll be a least a little entertaining, lol! I tried to pick as normal of a day as possible… so I probably should’ve picked yesterday cuz now I’ve got a couple things thrown at us to work around. But that’s ok, so long as nobody in this house’s moods go too far sideways 😆

Anyways… Buckle up, it’s gonna be a long one!!! 🤣

Friday, June 19 2026

Woke up at 7:30. Said “fuck no, can’t make me” & fell back to sleep.
Woke up at 8:15 with an Interrupters song stuck in my head. Not even sure which one. Went downstairs & said good morning to the cat (she gets lonely when I don’t pass out on the couch all night.) Looked at my phone while my brain came online – saw a slightly interesting article on Reddit written before Green Day’s 21st Century Breakdown came out (one of my favorite Green Day albums), and checked in on a debate in a local Facebook group about a confusing intersection cuz apparently I need something to get pissed off about first thing in the morning 😆…

Does it look like the left lane ends? I think the fuck not.

Got my lime water, opened the curtains & windows, & set myself up in my office – laptop on & background lo-fi on TV; Capacities & Notion. Started writing this thing 😉. Started my morning routine…
- One reminder from yesterday : “Meaning is hiding inside ordinary moments that receive extraordinary attention.”
- Last year : “I’ll Stand By You”
Went through my “inbox” of random tasks that came up throughout yesterday & organized all the shit I gotta do today, including homeschool plans & tidying up the homeschool cart – Realized I gotta file away their portfolios cuz we’ve technically started next year’s work.
Read today’s passage in The Daily Stoic & it’s accompanying journal :
- Focus on one foot in front of the other, especially when the big picture is too big
  - How can I better keep myself in the present moment? Mindfulness reminders – look around & take it in.
Read for a few minutes in “The Night Circus” by Erin Morgenstern : “People don’t pay much attention to anything unless you give them reason to.” I’m probably about halfway through this book, & I’m really enjoying the mystical journey it’s taken. It’s quite lovely hehe.
I hear a woodpecker, so I’m distracted by looking out the office window. I’m eternally grateful for all the nature outside my house – I only live on about an acre, but it’s very private & full of fauna. On any given day, I’m visited by chipmunks, that damned red squirrel, a family of bunnies (most who have been named by Bubby “Cupcake”, “Mini Cooper”, “Poindexter”), a mom & baby deer, chipmunks, a groundhog, and so on. Right now all I see through the sunshine shimmering through the trees is a 5 foot bouncey ball & Hubby’s new Roger Rabbit “Bugatti” golf cart (more on that another time). And scaffolding & ladders & shit cuz hubby & his friend have been working on the house (since I’ve been gently & graciously nagging him for almost 10 fucking years!)
Wrote in my journal for a bit. Just a moment about what the ~~plans~~ ideas are for the day, and then some reflection on essentialism…cuz I tend to romanticize the idea of essentialism, and then overcomplicate anything I possibly can.
Read a passage in a book I just got, “Awaken Every Day : 365 Buddhist Reflections” by Thubten Chodron. “Our actions leave ‘seeds’ on our mindstream, invisible potentials that can bring results in terms of what we experience in this & future lives – our habitual thoughts & behaviors and the environment & circumstances of our life.” Not too sure how deeply I agree with reincarnation, but interesting to ponder regardless.
Set up my workout plan for the day – I use a Notion database to rotate through the zillion videos I’ve saved over the past couple years so I don’t get too bored. Smoked half a Camel 99 (yeah, shuddup), tidied the house & little, & got to it.
- Not trying to justify a shitty habit, just saying – I found that I appreciate the hedonism of a good cigarette as much as the excuse to get outside & enjoy some nature without tiny humans screaming & running around. Otherwise I’d probably never even see the groundhog (or that bastard squirrel!)
- Took some pictures while I was out there…

Mulberries on my mom’s 30+ year old, 30+ft mulberry bush

“Cupcake” … I think 😆

Bet your ass I ate that cherry before the birds got it!!!

So… 20 minute full body workout with 3 lb weights (during which my entire skeleton snapped crackled & popped), 15 minute arm workout with 5 lb weights (I’ve been cursed with bingo wings), 5 minutes yoga (just about threw my neck out), 5 minutes Qi gong (never tried this one before, never gonna again LOL – my scoliosis can’t handle it!), & 5 minutes meditation (super unproductive). Then I pulled a card from my new “Buddha Wisdom” oracle deck : “Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.” Ain’t that the truth. 💚
Got myself some cherries, milk, & Allegra. Posted my “quote of the day” on Facebook, Bluesky, & Substack, and watched a YouTube video in my endless “Watch Later” list – today’s video happened to be
NotebookLM Will Change How You Learn – Here’s Why!. I didn’t have time to finish it, but I’ve played around with NLM a bit, & it can be super useful (especially for product manuals!!!)
Checked in with ChatGPT cuz we’re doing a reflection experiment to see if it can help me …keep my head out of my ass? I have it ask me a set of questions twice a day, & help me work through anything it deems worth noting. It’s been surprisingly useful so far 😁
- “Earlier in your blogging journey, a lot of your questions were:
  - What should I write?
  - How do I grow?
  - What should my brand be?
  Lately the questions feel more like:
  - What am I noticing?
  - What am I learning?
  - How do I express this clearly?
  That’s a sign of something maturing.” Agreed. 😆
Got myself tidied up for the day. We’re not going anywhere, so I’m not about to go all “curls & contacts” today 😆

And that’s my ridiculous but fulfilling morning routine. It’s what keeps me from getting murderous halfway through the day. Usually.
Went out for another half a smoke. There was a giant stormy cloud above the house, but blue skies all around. Usually, it’s the opposite – we’re in a bubble of good weather. During the winter, outside of about a mile radius of my house, they’ll be getting Lake Effect snow. Here? Fluffy sparkles. I guess my hearthcraft works 😉 While I was out there, I saw “Alvin”, the baby chipmunk – he likes playing with the baby bunnies hehe. (Thought to myself the other day – “I’m like fuckin’ Snow White with a tan & a cigarette!” 😅)
Onto the “focus time” of my day. Normally I put on some tunes, but I’m trying to get through some other bloated YouTube playlists, so I’m playing some “Witchy” videos in the background (that’s about as much witchcraft as I practice these days!) Friday’s “focus time” is reserved for a review of my “interstitial journaling” notes from the past week, to see if there’s anything worth noting. FUCK! I forgot my granddaughter is supposed to be coming over soon. I was really hoping hubby would be up in time. Shittles! ….. I went through it pretty quickly so there wasn’t a whole lot of discernment, but this is where a lot of my blog post ideas, personal journaling prompts, etc come from (feel free to skip if it’s overwhelming, which I’m sure it is lol) :
- Still on about the Facebook group post about the stupid lane merge thing (this was from Sunday LOL)
  - Gemini basically says I’m right, but also that insurance companies would deem an accident 50/50 liability basically because people shouldn’t drive like assholes lol
- “Magic is found in all the little moments. A campfire is still fire.”
- Things insist on my attention often because they feel the most alive.
- challenge, opportunities, subtraction
- Leatherworking = patience + restraint
- I am my own deity, my own religion, my own philosophy.
  - ✨I don’t worship myself, but no better outlook on spirituality, in my opinion.
    - It’s self confidence, self love, goddess energy, compassion, resilience, intelligence, an open mind, grace
- “Awaken Every Day” – “‘Three poisons’ : ignorance, attachment, & animosity” : Ignorance to reality causes attachment, & attachment causes animosity (repelling from the unpleasant)
  - Detachment from suffering
    - ✨…can be a slippery slope. You have to let yourself feel some suffering. Not only because it’s good for your character, & not only because emotions are a beautiful part of being human, & not only because repressed shit festers until it’s seething.
- ✨ How can I help people? What problems can I solve? Or maybe just help ease? What problems am I dealing with?
- “In these seemingly small moments, you’re teaching your children one of life’s most important lessons: how to respond when things don’t go as planned.” – Daily Dad
  - “The wise don’t fly off the handle. They don’t say the first thought that enters their mind. They pause. They reflect. They choose their response.”
  - “They inherit your responses.”
  - “emotions are to be felt, but not always acted upon”
- “the artist is the child who refused
  to stop believing in imaginary friends,
  so they grew up and became one…
  for every lonely soul who needed a mirror
  to say: me too.” – Chris Sexton
- “Daily Stoic” – “No shame in needing help”
  - Where do I need help? Who can I ask for it? (*This is definitely something I struggle with!)
- Report from PCP : “alignment & degenerative changes, L5 slightly onto S1”
  - ✨”Degenerative “ is a disconcerting word…
- Sage insight : “Connection doesn’t have to feel easy to be worthwhile.”
  - ✨Even if it’s inconvenient or anxiety inducing, it’s often worthwhile to connect anyway
- “Live so fully and intentionally that when death comes, it feels like a completion rather than an interruption.” – Darius Foroux, quoting Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche
  - “even death becomes part of their life, not just something that happens to them.”
  - “’The man consummating his life dies his death triumphantly, surrounded by men filled with hope and making solemn vows.’ Surrounded by men filled with hope. That image has stayed with me. He’s describing someone whose life inspired others to be better.”
    - ✨To live better
    - ✨I hope I inspire others to live better, & more fully, with my blog
  - “’In your death, your spirit and your virtue should still glow like a sunset glows around the earth'”
- Chris Sexton : “play is spiritual cardio.”
  - “your comfort zone got you on a leash
    and you keep calling it peace.”
  - “throw your heart at life
    like a wild florist.
    whatever blooms, blooms.
    whatever dies becomes fertilizer.”
- Awaken Every Day – Stop licking honey off a razorblade (re attachment)
  - ✨ I fucking love how edgy this quote is, lol. It’s true – the honey is sweet, but if you’re cutting your tongue the whole time, what’s the point?
    - So, is there any honey ultimately shredding my soul right now? I’d say my daydreaming, but I don’t think that’s entirely true.
- Some days, “better than nothing” is discipline enough ❤️
  - ✨ So long as it doesn’t consistently replace actual discipline
- Life is all about self discipline – parenting, marriage, everything
Reading that over made my brain hurt… 😵‍💫
Then I went back through my entries to capture all the daily highlights in a “Hobonichi Weeks”-style planner I keep for my husband – it’s colorful, includes pictures, & is exploding with memories by the end of the year. His birthday is right before New Year’s Eve, so it turns out to be an awesome birthday gift ☺
And just as I headed into the second part of my day, a thunderstorm rolled in. I love thunderstorms – they’re so exciting!! ⛈ A nice reminder that even mother nature lets shit build up & needs to let it rip sometimes 😉 Put all the stuff in my digital planner into my analog system thing that I have going on, and out of the office I went…
It fuckin HAILED!! Stood on the porch & watched buckets of rain & ice pelt the shit out of my car, peering at the blue sky in the distance LOL. Then I saw some poor bastard riding his bike 🤣 (I feel bad, but he should’ve seen it coming!) (My pics won’t load…)
Well, apparently my granddaughter isn’t coming today – my step daughter told hubby, but he was still in bed anyway LOL. At least I had a few extra minutes of peace & quiet to enjoy the thunder trailing off in the distance. It only lasted maybe 10 minutes, but it seemed like an apocalypse! I live in a very “don’t like the weather? wait 5 minutes!” climate. (Unless it’s Lake Effect snow season. Then maybe wait a couple days 😜)
Scratch that, it came back. Icy marbles everywhere. And blue skies all around.
All the monsters got up. Hubby’s still on about Nancy Guthrie; he made them omelettes while I got their milk, fruit, Zyrtec, vitamins, & hair brushes. Bubby put on Lucas the Spider, Lia counted her money. I made myself a salad with spinach, banana peppers, green olives, feta, quinoa, & leftover chicken meatloaf. 😋 Made some coffee. Went through my social media…nothing impressive 😆
The kids swam in their plushie cave while I put laundry away. Checked the mail & threw some sycamore branches out of the driveway.
Hubby went to clean in the garage for our party tomorrow (God help us if it rains, omfg). I did school with the girls…and half their plushies. Booboo worked on a painting project for Father’s Day while I helped Bubby. So help me God, if I hear “67” one more time… Bubby’s doing kindergarten, so she worked on counting to 20, vowel sounds, & writing the letter “R”. Then they switched. Bubby did some painting while I worked with Booboo, who’s technically in second grade now but we’re still finishing up some 1st grade work 🤫 – she worked on spelling “-et” words, “one”, & “the”; then read a poem & a short story. Nothing will test patience better than homeschooling children. I am absolutely certain of this. Booboo got frustrated during reading & barked so loud in my ear I could’ve thrown her clear across the room. I didn’t. But I could’ve. Break time 😅 Bubby finished her paintings & played (educational stuff) on my tablet. Booboo likes “Adventure” & “Dreams” by Bensound, apparently (so do I hehe). Back to school – she had to read her typed scene description to me so I could draw it & see if she described it well, addition & subtraction.

This is what homeschool looks like for us ☺

Ran & hid for a few minutes while the girls worked on their Father’s Day cards lol. I love this time of day cuz I put prisms in the sunniest window of the house & so the living room fills with little rainbows ☺️😍

Father’s Day cards 🥰

Got the girls’ allowances. I give them $1 each for every year on the planet, then divide it into 4 – “rent” (savings lol), “gifts” (for other people), “donate” (Booboo was elated to donate $100 to our local Children’s Hospital ☺️), & “spend” (so they don’t ask me for shit when we’re out lol!)
Picked mulberries with Booboo. She named a couple of bunnies “Cherry” & “Pineapple” ☺️ Then she chased a chipmunk because hubby’s mad at the chipmunks for making a home under the hood of the skoolie
Hubby asked the girls if they wanted to go in the hot tub. Booboo had a fit because Bubby brought her her clogs. (Can’t wait til they’re teenagers – Pray for us!! 😅)
Made out a check for hubby’s 46th highschool reunion. Yes, 46th. They buried a time capsule back then & are opening it at the reunion 😛
Printed some worksheets for school.
They went in the hot tub. I started dinner early cuz I wanted to make rainbow pasta salad for the tie dye party ☺️ If anyone’s curious, this is the “recipe” I used for the rainbow pasta. Then I got sidetracked for about 15 minutes cuz hubby needed me to watch the girls. For dinner, I made pesto shrimp fettuccine 😋 Usually I make a salad with dinner, but my back was fucked by the time I finished the other shit. Did dishes in the meantime.
Started laundry. Took Allegra. Ate & watched Expedition Files. Checked in with a couple people about the party tomorrow.

Eat the rainbow > Shit the rainbow! 😅

Finished the pasta salad. Put leftovers away. Did more dishes – realized I was clenching my teeth cuz my back hurt so bad, so took some Motrin 😬 I hate taking Motrin – I’ve never had a problem with it, & I’d like to keep it that way. Usually I’d sneak in some leatherworking or digital designs, but I just can’t even tonight. 😴
Hit the bowl once (it helped my back immensely!), yelled at the red squirrel in the garage, brushed my teeth & took a shower. Listened to Rockabilly Radio on Pandora – it plays everything from Reverend Horton Heat to Stray Cats to “Louie Louie” by The Kingsmen. I grew up listening to 50’s music when I was a kid (& disco LOL, & Nat King Cole).
Went in my office for a few minutes to write in my journal. The children decided to join me with their notebooks & it was adorable as hell 🥰 We listened to lo fi & passed notes to each other. ❤️

Office party 😆

Got some trail mix & sat on the couch with hubby to watch Black Mirror. He made ice for tomorrow. I like this show, cuz it’s like a modern Twilight Zone, but I can’t usually focus on anything by the end of the day.
Finished my evening routine… Updated my digital planner, read most of an interesting Amy Landino article, checked Facebook for memes, played Coin Master with Bubby, & pigged out on Harvest Snaps. Bubby requested a pickle. Then Booboo requested a pickle. Wegmans pickles are pretty decent. 😆
Laid down on the couch. Hubby rubbed my feet while he watched Virgin River – he’s such a sweetie 🥰 Read a couple more articles. Went crosseyed. Passed the fuck out. 😴

And there ya have it. Hope your brain didn’t melt 😉

Til next week – Stay real, stay loud, & rock the fuck on!! 💚